Sleeping with the Devil

How I date now is radically different from how I used to date. I used to date for the mere fun of it. I loved getting to know someone new, falling in love with the littlest thing about him, egging him on to do or watch things I liked, and convincing myself he could be molded into a version of himself that would live up to a certain idea I had in my head.

I used to dress guys up, give them better hairstyles, take them to fancy places, and try to turn them into that perfect man I envisioned in my head. But the thing is: no matter how much time or money you spend on a person's appearance so that you have a hot piece of eyecandy to strut around with, they'll still be shitty people if they were shitty people to begin with.

If they want to cheat, they will still cheat. If they enjoy the perks that come with being your lover or your friend, they will enjoy those perks for their enjoyment without taking your feelings into consideration. If they love the Philippine government, they will defend the Philippine government to the death.

All of that is all well and good if you are a cheater, a user, and a supporter of the Philippine government yourself; but if you're not (i.e. if you're like me), then those are all just red flags. And I am proud to say that I not just notice those red flags now; I rip them apart and burn them. More than anything else, I prioritize people's values now.

I'm a pretty forgiving person, in general, and I'd like to think I'm pretty patient and understanding. I'm also willing to educate people on what's right from wrong - something I wish someone had done for me when I was younger. I've grown as a person and I've changed a lot, and one of my goals in life is to help other people grow and change for the better, as well. Unfortunately, in order to become a better person, you need to want to become a better person. Some people simply have zero interest in doing that.

The last guy I dated was actually pretty awesome. He was passionate about things. He had plans for the future (which I still hope materialize for him someday). And man, did he make me laugh! At one point, I thought there was potential for a relationship there - and a good one, at that.

Unfortunately, his values were for shit. And nowadays, that's all that really matters to me: values. I've unfriended a lot of people and removed a lot of people in my life because of this. If you have a shitty heart and a shitty outlook in life, it's pretty much game over.

I've given so many people the benefit of the doubt in recent years, just to find out that they were liars, scam artists, rapists, cheaters, homophobes... the list goes on and on. But I am proud to say that I break ties and no longer tolerate shit like that.

The same goes for relationships. In fact, I haven't been in a relationship in a while now - and that's mostly because I want to make sure that the next person I end up in a relationship with has good and strong values - and that he defends and stands up for those values, no matter what.

black off-shoulder swimsuit from Mesmeraize PH / lipstick from Maybelline / photos by Gizelle Caoile / shot at The Auhana Boracay

I can forgive mistakes when they happen and I can overlook bad taste in movies and music, but I can't be with someone with crappy values anymore. Heck, I can't even be friends with someone with crappy values. I'm done sleeping with the devil. You should be done with it, too.